The humble root vegetable to which we owe much
A close relative of garlic, scallions, leeks, and chives, this allium (from the Greek “to avoid”) has been breaking hearts and bringing out tears around the world as far back as 5000 BC. Even Pliny the Elder himself waxed on about this root vegetable, going as far as telling people that onions could cure toothaches and dog bites. Yeah okay, maybe lay off the Onions there, Pliny.
But what do we really know about onions? In this essay, I will explain everything I’ve been able to find out about onions, more or less, to peel back the layers of these legendary ogres of the food world.
There are more ways to prepare and cook onions than there are Pig Latin words for snow. But there are a few methods in particular that have stood the test of time, handed down from as far back as anyone can remember.
For starters, you can definitely mince them and add them to a sauce. Or you could also eat one whole like a spicy crabapple. Or, if you’re a more refined Onionhead, as they say, do as Julia Child & Jacques Pepin do by making french onion soup:
There are also many ways to cut an onion. You might be familiar with the one way of dicing an onion by cutting it in, like, three different directions, but there’s another foolproof way to dice your onion like a Michelen star chef covered in this video here:
But do you tear up any time you so much as look at an onion? When you were growing up, did the kids call you ‘onion boy crybaby boy’ while riding past your house on their new bikes? Well, according to Thomas Scott, you can reduce eye irritation from cutting onions by slicing them under running water or “mechanically in a closed container.” But if you don't want to dice onions in your sink and/or you're not a robot, try leaving the root intact or refrigerating the onion before cutting. You can also try wearing goggles or chewing gum. You can try anything you want, really. As for the bullying, I can't help you there.
So, you think you get creative with onions in the kitchen? Consider yourself a real innovator, do ya? Well, think again, because some dudes really patented the following devices that spray tear-inducing onion juice at ne’er-do-wells for self-defense. Which, honestly, isn’t the most terrible idea (unless they're wearing goggles or chewing gum).
But let's say you don’t want to keep my onions mounted to the wall or locked to your bike. You should at least store them in a cool, dry, well-ventilated place. Unless, of course, you want them to get neck rot, which is both a fungal disease and super gross.
Another thing that you should know. Being the class clowns of the vegetable world, onions and potatoes tend to get into trouble when together for too long (they both release moisture, which speeds up decay). So store them separately, for spud's sake!
So yeah, I guess you could say I spent a good amount of time Googling onions to write this. More specifically, it’s the most amount of time I’ve ever spent Googling onions in my life. And as it turns out, the internet is pretty divided on them.
Oh, the humanity!
Which has me pretty convinced that there’s an onion for every occasion. But if you’re not sure where to start, check out the list below to learn how different types of onions rank for antioxidants (phenolics) and flavor (flavonoids) according to a study published in the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry.
| Place | Antioxidants (phenolics) | Flavor (flavonoids) |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Shallot | Western yellow |
| 2 | New York Bold | New York Bold |
| 3 | Northern Red | Northern Red |
| 4 | Mexico | Shallots |
| 5 | Empire Sweet | Mexico |
| 6 | Western White | Empire Sweet |
| 7 | Peruvian Sweet | Imperial Valley Sweet |
| 8 | Texas 1015 | Texas 1015 |
| 11 | Imperial Valley Sweet | Peruvian Sweet |
| 12 | Vidalia | Vidalia |
| 13 | New York Bold | Western White |
Neat!
Bottom line: onions typically have an average pH of 5.5, making them about as acidic as hair and coffee.
So how big is the world’s biggest onion? Gather round, feast your eyes, take a gander, and give this 17.91lb/8.15kg bad boy a looksee:
Wowee, Peter!
That’s Peter (the man, not the onion), and he’s exactly as proud of his onion son as he should be. What do you think they do with the onion after it's weighed? Take it on tour? Or maybe it moves on to the Great French Onion Soup in the sky.
Wait, this just in: I’ve just been informed that the above is no longer true, because the honor of "biggest onion" now belongs to Tony Glover, whose onion weighs in at a whopping 18.74lb/8.5kg.
Above: Tony the Crowned Onion Thief who is clearly just as passionate about onions as Peter.
But don't worry about Peter. He's still one of the world's most accomplished growers of giant vegetables, having sired the heaviest cauliflower, heaviest eggplant, and heaviest potato among others. Keep it up, Peter, we’re rooting for you!
Oh, onions! There’s so much more to explore about this humble vegetable, but I hope you’ve learned a thing or two. Or, if you knew these things already, why didn’t you tell me?? Were you trying to keep it a secret or something? That’s weird!
